“So, what have you climbed this summer? Been away much?”

It wasn’t until I overheard a couple of climbers comparing their recent adventures, then went on to ask me, what I’ve done, I realised that I haven’t. What HAVE I climbed? Where HAVE I been?

Apart from a couple of fleeting visits to North Wales, I haven’t been anywhere! I’ve only really been bumbling around the Peak, even then I haven’t pushed myself, got scared, had any whisky fuelled adventures or a single epic that I can recall. I haven’t climbed any multi-pitch or been anywhere near a sea cliff. How have I missed this summer? I haven’t even had any camping trips in the Peak? The staff at the Indian in Hope were concerned when I went in the other week after work, asking me where I’ve been all year and if I had moved away. Apparently, the amount of times I used to go in there, they assumed I lived in the village.

“Hmm, not that much really! Just been around the Peak” is all I could quietly reply, holding my head slightly lower.

I knew I hadn’t been climbing much but it wasn’t until I actually stood and thought about it, I realised that I REALLY hadn’t. It might sound ridiculous, but I slightly panicked, for the past 10 years climbing has been my only focus in life. Just the thought or slightest mention of it brings a smile of happiness to my face, even on the crappiest of days – but I’ve not done anything this year!! What’s happened?? Over the years, climbing has totally transformed my life and without a doubt, has helped me with my illness. It certainly hasn’t always been easy but the positives I get from it are worth the negatives that I can suffer. I have so much to thank for it – I owe climbing so much. I suppose climbing is my first love and as silly as it may sound, I feel guilty that it’s no longer my main focus and that I’ve been neglecting it.

My life has changed completely. I’ve been with my girlfriend for the past 18 months. Lisa has two amazing and brilliant children and in that time, we’ve become a happily blended family. My life and routine have completely been turned upside down and as a result, my usual pacing, recovery and coping mechanisms are no longer helping and I’m having to learn to re-adjust.

Sleep-ins and lazy starts have been replaced with being woken up at 6:30 in the morning to watch Winx with Holly, helping with the kid’s breakfast and getting ready for the school run. Days off are obviously now split between climbing and family – baking cakes, making dens, family trips, playing games, colouring, battling supervillains and reading bedtime stories. And I absolutely love it. These three amazing and beautiful people have welcomed me into their lives and we just work so well together!

I’ve amazed myself at how I’ve managed to keep up without a having major relapse. However, I’ve found that my new life has slowly caught up with me. Quiet, isolation and rest used to be my first lines of defence. Now, with a 6 & 9 year old in my life, I’m knackered, my sensory overload is normally so high and I’m finding it hard to recover, even on my rest days and as a result, my symptoms have knocked up a few notches and I’m having fewer ‘good days’. The fact that we started the year off by getting a puppy, probably hasn’t helped. Beanie, our miniature dachshund nearly broke us both in the first month and did actually trigger a relapse. And then, because the year hasn’t been busy enough, I’m now in the middle of a career change.

Days when I have to make an effort and actually pretend at being a civilized, functioning member of society or just to get something done, I have to ignore and overcome every sense in my body. My symptoms don’t disappear just because I make an effort, it can feel like a constant battle, which is exhausting in itself. So my rest days used to be just that – rest, complete rest, alone in my flat! Usually involving long sleep-ins then moving to the sofa once feeling capable, with the curtains drawn and the lights dimmed. Trying to cut out as much sensory stimulation as possible. I’ve tried having rest days at Lisa’s and even my parents but it simply doesn’t work. However, resting alone in my flat no longer has the same appeal when I’ve got three amazing people that I can be spending my time with. For the first time I have something more important in my life than just climbing.

So I have a new challenge – to try and re-adjust the balance of living with M.E, my new life and family, a new job and hopefully fit in a bit more climbing. Whether it’s possible to have everything remains to be seen, but I’m happy for climbing to take a back seat while I work on it.

So what have I climbed this summer??? Not much but I’ve had a bloody amazing year!!